tuesday night!
i left the party in a cab because i still do not have a car.
i said los feliz, the driver said he knew because i had given the lady on the phone my address and then i made him go back to the party because i forgot something and well,
i was flustered and short on cash (just the tip), so i gave him a brownie with sea salt and he said thank you and put chris brown on really loud when i tried to singalong.
i googled flights home in the back seat. i tried to think of ways to live everywhere.
i got home but didn’t sleep.
i remembered why. prednisone!
i feel okay even though i am not completely okay
but i have decided to stop talking about that for a little while, because i think it overwhelms people
and i’m in a new city and i am not in the business of isolating.
plus, like i said, it’s all okay.
because i like my neighborhood, and new music,
and the sunny fire escape right out my window.
and i know tomorrow’s going to be a really nice day.
I’ve had a headache for thirteen years.
I’ve had a headache for a month but I keep saying I’ve had a headache for thirteen years like Rainman, I keep repeating the phrase over and over. I’ve had a headache for thirteen years!
It’s such a dramatic thing to say. Thirteen years ago I was 12 and livin’ the dream. Summer of 98 could not be beat. I belonged to a swim club, my boyfriend was cute and I had a flat stomach. Plus, Hanson was popular! I mean, I should have held onto that time for as long as I could have.
I did not have a headache thirteen years ago.
But I do have a headache now. I’ve taken so many drugs for this headache but it persists. I haven’t gone to the doctors because that’s not my style. My style is totally just taking whatever drugs I have lying around and then tweeting about it.
My style sucks.
Anyway. This headache! This headache feels like my brain is trying to physically separate itself from my skull and its best route is to crawl out through my left temple. I also have all these weird sensations on the top of my scalp and last week I woke up and my arm wouldn’t stop twitching. And my fingers shake sometimes.
So yeah, probably Early Onset Parkinson’s Disease or something, I don’t know, I shouldn’t Google shit at 2 am while reading Michael J. Fox’s memoir that I bought on Amazon when I couldn’t sleep last week.
(Guys: what’s wrong with me!? Diagnose me in the comments or something.)
It feels like I’ve had a headache for thirteen years but it’s only been a month, which is a short span of time (relatively speaking). I’m almost glad my mouth is so bad because it sort of takes away from the pain of my headache.
I’m going to go to sleep now, I took an Ambien. At 2 am. I mean that’s just dumb. I have work tomorrow.
Goodnight.
(Later we’ll look back at say: This is where her blogging really slid downhill.)
At first, I thought this early morning thunderstorm was so striking in its representation of nature:
strong, fearless, resolute.
But if the power goes out and my laptop dies midway through this Very Special episode of Family Ties,
THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY.
