How To Look Cool At A Coffee Shop–Hollywood Edition

Thursday, January 26, 2012

How To Look Cool At A Coffee Shop–Hollywood Edition

1) Sit down in the chair really aggressively and roll up your sleeves like you’re about to actual work instead of type words on your dainty white computer.

2) Furrow your brow.

3) Sigh audibly.

4) Order a coffee and pronounce espresso properly. There’s no x. There’s no x.

5) Look up the TV on the wall in disgust and say “I don’t have a TV.” Sigh at the blender noise even though they’re making the most delicious smoothies ever.

6) Check your phone and pretend it’s important when really, you’re just checking in on 4Square.

7) Type furiously into Text Edit. It should read like this: aklsjfkal;sdfj;askjfaks;dfja;sldjfa;lskdfj

8) Cut a Ritalin in half with your coffee straw.

9) Snort it off the table, wipe your nose, look at the other pasty, failing patrons and say “Look who’s writing now, motherfucker.”

10) And finally, leave, because you’ve been asked to.