What to Do When Your Internet is Down

Thursday, December 8, 2011

What to Do When Your Internet is Down

1) Scream “AGHHH, MY INTERNET IS DOWN!”

2) Check other devices for Wifi activity. Hurl your iPad at the wall when it refuses to load Words with Friends.

3) Distract yourself from your non-Internet activity. Paint a banner that says “BURN IN HELL, Time Warner.”

4) After three minutes of painting, check to see if the Internet is still down. If it is, cry.

5) Call Time Warner and talk to an automated voice for three hours. Wonder if the Voice and Siri are friends.

6) Decide to talk to Siri. She’s being a bitch but at least she doesn’t require WiFi. Also, she’s someone to talk to, and you are alone, so very alone.

7) Continue unplugging modem and blowing on the cords, like it’s a Super Nintendo game.

8) Give up.

9) Pour a drink and put on some Lisa Hannigan/weeping music.

10) Find a dusty old book you lied about reading, and read it. Because that’s what a whole lot of us did before the Internet ruined our lives.

11) Read ten pages, and check the Internet. It’s back. Life is restored. You are whole again. Go forth and surf, go forth and surf.