December 2011
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On Not Sleeping
I have not been able to get out of bed since August.
I’ve had insomnia for years, and fatigue forever, but it was August when I stopped working full time and have consequently fallen into this hazy, open space. Freelancing allows for my situation; for that I am grateful.
But I am still searching for the reason I have been so tired lately, so needy for my bed that when I am out and away from it,...
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nighttime ramblings
At night, I take my pills, the pills I have taken since I was a child. They are not foreign to me, I know their shape and taste and what to take with what, what to sip on, which pills will stick in the back of my throat, willing themselves to stay out of here. I swallow three times and cough.
I ease myself into a new existence, a sort of blankness, a paralysis of the panic that takes over me at...
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Dan and I Name Our Top Ten Albums of the Year
And by I, I mean mostly Dan. I helped, though!
(I cannot believe he didn’t include the members-only fan clup EP that Hanson released.)
Honorable Mentions: The First Day of Spring, Noah and the Whale; The Whole Love, Wilco; Bon Iver, Bon Iver; Rome, Danger Mouse and Danielle Luppi; A Creature I Don’t Know, Laura Marling
10. Pickin’ Up The Pieces, Fitz + The Tantrums
9. So Beautiful...
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Whoever wrote "There's no place like home for the...
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I just started Breaking Bad.
Any chance this turns into a buddy comedy about a coupla funny dudes, complete with meth puns and hilarious pratfalls?
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“I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter...”
– Bill Hicks’ last words. He would have been 50 years old today.
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Take a sip of whiskey and sit down.
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It doesn't matter if the bottle of wine is $40 or...
If you drink the whole thing, you will wake up with a fucking headache.
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I just remembered...
the time I was writing for a prostate cancer drug + I panicked and texted every man over 40 in my contact list, asking them the last time they got their prostate checked.
Sadly, there was more than one recipient to that text.
And only one answer.
From my dad.
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IT'S STILL ME, KELLY BERGIN
But I changed my Tumblr pic so I could look more intense and shit.
Related: I drank most of that Jameson from before.
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Exchange I Had With Silverlake Hipster Today
Me, at gas station trying to figure out how to screw the cap on: AGH, I HATE MYSELF!!
(Spots guy with dog)
Me: HEY, GUY WITH DOG!
Guy with Dog: Hey.
Me: Can you come over here and help me? I will hold your dog.
Guy: Okay.
Guy fixes car nozzle in twelve seconds
Me: Ha, I guess I'm not good with cars, I just moved from New York..
Guy: I love New York, my dog's named Brooklyn.
Me, thinking this is true love: Oh my god, that's so cute.
Guy: Where you headed now?
Me, thinking about to get murdered: Oh, um, to look at apartments.
Guy: Good luck, that's always hard...(launches into adorable story)
Me, flustered by his cuteness: Haha
Guy: Well...
Me, in one breath: Hahaokaybyehaveagooddaythankyou
Guy: Yes, you too. Enjoy your day.
Me: Enjoy your dog! Bye!
Guy: Errr...okay.
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In one week...
I’ll be passed out at a bar in Brooklyn while my friends drink around me.
I cannot wait.
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What to Do When Your Internet is Down
1) Scream “AGHHH, MY INTERNET IS DOWN!” 2) Check other devices for Wifi activity. Hurl your iPad at the wall when it refuses to load Words with Friends. 3) Distract yourself from your non-Internet activity. Paint a banner that says “BURN IN HELL, Time Warner.” 4) After three minutes of painting, check to see if the Internet is still down. If it is, cry. 5) Call Time...
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Dumb Things I Did at the Joe Purdy Show Last Night
-Pretended not to know who Joshua Radin was and talked to him for a long time, knowing that he knew who I knew who he was.
-I eventually confessed and he laughed at me
-Then we argued about his Christmas sweater, which he swore was non-denominational
-It was not
-Found a random group of girls and made them be friends with me because I was alone
-Drank two Manhattans straight in 40 minutes
...
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I’m seeing Joe Purdy tonight at the Hotel...
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What I Imagine My Headstone Might Be
1) She was killed by a palm tree while waiting for her Frosty. She loved the indoors, sitcoms, & the 1998 film You’ve Got Mail.
2) Mediocre tweeter, amazing iTunes playlist-maker, horrible friend, sister, and daughter.
3) Dogs sort of liked her!
4) She requested to be cremated, but we’re kind of pissed about how much she blogged about us. Signed, her family.
5) She loved...
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In Which I Brag That I Can Read (Favorite Books,...
Inspired and a wee bit intimidated by Elliott Holt’s 2011 reading list, I sat down today in avoidance of a deadline and set upon the arduous task of listing every single book I read in 2011. At the start of the year, I hoped to read 70 books. A quick look at my Netflix queue might have you guess, correctly, that I failed. I truly believe the list would be a lot longer if I...