February 2010
48 posts
Keep Track. Pay Attention.
My memory is falling apart.
June, was that when my apppendix burst?
Did I see him in April, did we break up in March?
If that was St. Patrick’s day, then we must have met on the 4th of July.
I can’t remember if I don’t think about what my body did that month, because it seems every month this year has been marked by some sort of medical event or emergency, some hyper paranoid doctor yelling...
January 2010
61 posts
I'm going away tomorrow for one night.
I’m not bringing my laptop to write and I’m having a panic attack about it.
Is this normal?
thebrewerpatriot:
I made it through the ENTIRE month of January without spilling any coffee on my desk calendar. This was a first for me.
I made it through the entire day without spilling coffee on my white shirt, SO THERE.
I just told my coworker that his brother was...
It’s pretty awkward right now.
This is not a joke.
So basically when I was eleven I was a really precocious and special child. I exhibited extraordinary literary prowess and was pretty much an asshole. Seriously. I was bad. I threatened suicide when my parents told me I couldn’t watch a PG-13 movie. I’d like to think it’s because I’m an artist (stop laughing) and my young, innocent psyche was damaged from taking in the...
Yes.
Tonight I drank with David Cross, Amber Tamblyn and Gideon Yago.
It was awesome.
Then I came home and discovered this boy who I rejected in high school got all his moles removed and is now REALLY HOT.
GODDAMMIT.
An Ode to Arlene N., Duane Reade Pharmacy...
Oh Arlene N.,
you look so mean,
With that menacing face
and unfortunate ‘stache
You always seem to mishandle my cash.
Fumbling coins and miscounting my change,
Your pronouncement of money due is never in range.
I hate to remind you but you never remember all my pills,
With you, Arlene N., it’s a battle of wills.
All I was is my synthroid,
But you deprive me, you feeling-less...
It amazes me I could barely walk on Monday without extreme pain but today I ran 3 miles. Lupus is a dickhead.
I wish it was Fleet Week. I need another ego...
3 tags
It's 3 AM, you must be lonely
I came home from the bar and called him, late.
He asked what was up and I said nothing and we both knew it was too late to be anything but what it was. After he was finished we got to talking about our writing. He talked about his stories and said he’d been following mine. He said I didn’t seem to care enough, didn’t discipline myself. Went off on tangents and wasted my...
When you're involved in a situation...
that you can’t get out of…
with a male…
i think we should call it a preDICKament.
L.O.V.E. New Orleans Fun Recap
russhatesrussloves:
…
The Fun: Once we got down to where we were staying outside of the city, the first thing we noticed was that our accommodations in the Hope Haven Lodge were beyond creepy. It was a former insane asylum, and then homeless shelter. We made the best of it though by exploring the secret,scary cavities of the building and playing games. We did not have TV or Internet,...
Nothing is more terrifying than being in a meeting and getting an email that you were tagged in 7 photos on Facebook. From the night you blacked out.
Longest hour of my life.
There are people out there who have a picture of...
Oh, boy.
I'm just saying
If you shave your legs, wear good underwear and drink copious amounts of vodka…
You might make a bad decision around 2 am.
“Wow, it’s like so weird not being the drunkest one!”
– Gen, to me. About me. Last night.
HAHA YEAH
i am so cranky/crazy today that i am annoying all my coworkers and lauren and everyone’s like GOD SHUT UP BERGIN, YOU ANNOYING BITCH.
and i’m like SAY IT AGAIN, ASSHOLES and then i ate all these m&ms, chugged a diet coke and spent 13 dollars on chicken fingers and french fries.
YEAAAAAH FRIDAY.
I've calmed down.
NOT REALLY.
Because…
I MIGHT GET TO MEET HER AND THEN I CAN SHOW HER THE CHILDREN’S BOOK I AM GOING TO START WRITING TONIGHT.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
I JUST FOUND OUT TAYLOR, (MY COWORKER/REPLACEMENT)’S GODMOTHER IS ANN M. MARTIN.
ANN M. MARTIN!!!
WHO WROTE ALL OF THE BABY SITTER’S CLUB BOOKS!
OMG.
lauren asked: Am I your best friend?
a question for me?
lfarm:
I doubt I am interesting enough for this new-ish tumblr feature, but just in case!
I might respond on the blog, or I may just write to you directly. So if you feel like it, include your email addy.
laurenfarmer.com/ask
HAHAH Loser.
Oh wait, ask me too!!
1 tag
I have the immune system of an infant.
And the charm.
“This is a four star hotel for you, isn’t it?”
– My dad, as he brought me ice cream in bed.
4 tags
I don't know what's sexier...
The fact that I’m soothing my sore nostrils with an ice cold Powerade bottle or that I sound like an 80 year old Italian mobster.
You know what's worse than being embarrassed?...
KB's Scale O' Pain
People (aka my mom) are always asking me how I’m feeling. I never really know what to say without freaking people out. Many times I wish I could give a number to let them really know how I feel, but how would they know what those numbers meant? I was perplexed. And a little bit sad.* Until today. Today, it came to me. The perfect scale! Designed by a patient with questionable character and an...
“And I just want to say to the kids out there watching: you can do anything you...”
– Conan
I'm just gonna say it.
I hate the term “the aughts”.
Dear Firefox,
Congrats on blocking another pop up! You successfully did your job.
Now quit telling me about it.
Love,
Kelly
Whoa.
I just found my old computer game “ER: Based on the hit TV series.”
I was such a loser back in 8th grade that someone GAVE THIS TO ME AS CHRISTMAS GIFT.
Ugh.
So.
Does anyone have a Windows computer with XP installed so I can give this bad boy a whirl?
50 Steps to Happiness →
everythingisgoingtobealright asked: Are you still playing the drums? Or have you given up?
Cancer IS Funny (Besides the acne)
I wrote this awhile ago, but it’s my “Cancer” week so here goes nothing…
My cancer was so easy that I got embarrassed telling people I had cancer; depending on their sensitivity and sobriety levels, they immediately said something along the lines of OMG ARE YOU OKAY/ARE YOU GONNA DIE? The easiest way to deal with this was to say: Calm it, bitch, I ain’t even...
I think I have to move to the Upper West Side now. →
sarakatherine asked: I live, write and work in NYC too. :) What exactly do you do for work?
seriously. i am so bored at work.
http://kellybergin.tumblr.com/ask
Fact:
I say “man alive!” a lot, though I’m not sure what it means.
What Not To Say To Boys
Friend: when i was sleeping in his bed i had a dream that him and i were swimming in a river and that he turned into a dolphin and dragged me back to shore.
and then i woke up and told him. i wonder what that means.
Me: HAHAHAHA. that is so weird!
Friend: i know i wish i didnt tell him haha
Me: hahaha. WHY DID YOU?
Friend: he was a little freaked out i think
Me: yeah. I CAN IMAGINE
Friend: hahahahah. DAMN IT!