Thursday, April 17, 2014
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
I’ve been thinking about someone.
I’m sorry you feel lonely.
You are hidden, all right, but you are very lively.
You give a rat-a-tat-tat to the plainest music.
Do you see—of course you see nothing—I’ll make you aware—
I mean, how do impressions get down to you, unequal-equal heart,
My nerves send them down. And my…
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Another myth that is firmly upheld is that disabled people are dependent and non-disabled people are independent. No one is actually independent. This is a myth perpetuated by disablism and driven by capitalism - we are all actually interdependent. Chances are, disabled or not, you don’t grow all of your food. Chances are, you didn’t build the car, bike, wheelchair, subway, shoes, or bus that transports you. Chances are you didn’t construct your home. Chances are you didn’t sew your clothing (or make the fabric and thread used to sew it). The difference between the needs that many disabled people have and the needs of people who are not labelled as disabled is that non-disabled people have had their dependencies normalized. The world has been built to accommodate certain needs and call the people who need those things independent, while other needs are considered exceptional. Each of us relies on others every day. We all rely on one another for support, resources, and to meet our needs. We are all interdependent. This interdependence is not weakness; rather, it is a part of our humanity.
AJ Withers Disability Politics and Theory p109 (via dandyfied)
iPad Mini: $291.27
I threw my iPad onto my passenger seat and the screen shattered into a spiderweb of pain and regret and then I cut my finger on the shards of LIFE and then I was just gonna to fix the screen but then I decided I’d get a new one and give GlassPad to the baby niece and then I found out I was being sued but I still bought it anyway because fuck the man.
Money this could have went to: LAWYER, medical debt, diabetic testing supplies, therapy.
My new blog is scary.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Myself, I love the imagery of struggle. I sometimes wish I were suffering in a good cause, or risking my life for the good of others, instead of just being a gravely endangered patient. Allow me to inform you, though, that when you sit in a room with a set of other finalists, and kindly people bring a huge transparent bag of poison and plug it into your arm, and you either read or don’t read a book while the venom sack gradually empties itself into your system, the image of the ardent soldier or revolutionary is the very last one that will occur to you. You feel swamped with passivity and impotence: dissolving in powerlessness like a sugar lump in water.
Christopher Hitchens. He fucking got it.
Ice cream cone: $3.09
Tip I threw in due to emotions: $10
Total for an ice cream cone: $13.09
I drove home from my friend’s wedding, stopped in my childhood hometown to get gas, saw the ice cream parlor where I spent most of my time in until I was unceremoniously ripped from my childhood home, saw the lady behind the counter and realized she’s been working there since I’ve been going, ask her about it, find out she’s been there for 22 years and doesn’t even own the joint, cry, tip her $10.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Sometimes I have loved the peacefulness of an ordinary Sunday. It is like standing in a newly planted garden after a warm rain. You can feel the silent and invisible life.
Marilynne Robinson, Gilead (via omgskr)
I finished Gilead a couple of summers ago on our outdoor, screened-in porch as the rain fell. I can’t think of a more peaceful place to read this book.
Friday, April 11, 2014
MADE MRSA WORK!
(Best bridesmaid ever.)
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Today, at Target: $12.99
Upon returning home, I tore off the tags, put it on, and realized I bought an XS instead of a Medium.
MONEY THIS COULD HAVE WENT TO:
1) My outstanding medical debts
2) My pricy medical bills
3) My pricy health insurance
4) The swans I want at my funeral.
I started a new blog about all the things I buy instead of saving for my retirement. Go, follow! Laugh as I Amazon Prime my way into bankrupcy!
Monday, April 7, 2014
One of us is getting married Saturday! The other one will be tripping down the aisle in her bridesmaid dress! #tbt #2006 #babies #thatBronxlife
Saturday, April 5, 2014
I love tattooed women, maybe because they are uncontrollable, they are themselves to the point of drawing symbols of their power on their skin. Talk about owning your own body, being in your body, claiming yourself. I love it. When the world is in an uproar over whether women should have a choice or not when it comes to their own bodies, being tattooed is one of the most visible choices of all.
Margaret Cho (via dirtytucson)
I wandered the beach the other day, thinking about what happens now. I’ve sort of accepted that this shitty health is not going away, that I’ll face pain and exhaustion daily. Living in Brooklyn and being with friends I’ve known since before AOL premiered has helped to heal me after a year of isolation.
I’ll be giving up my place at the end of this month, though, to travel and be at the beach with Sadie this summer. I need to save the money.
There’s many places I want to go, but traveling is only worth it if it helps me become a better, stronger writer, friend, sister, daughter and aunt. I want badly to think outside this box of pain and loneliness. It’s time, it’s time.
Friday, April 4, 2014
7 hours until I’m on the incline, over the ocean and the plain states, headed for the awesome life I have back East, undoubtedly missing the one I have here…oh, California, California. #home
I’ve been in terrible pain since landing in Los Angeles on Monday. Completely inflamed and not able to eat or talk well. It wrecks me, these basic things consistently taken from me. I try so hard to live through it, to take all the self-pity bullshit and unload it as I dash to the ocean for one last sunset shot. I want so much to be stronger than this. To be one singular self, not the halves I am, split between my persona and the physical pain that sticks to every word, joke, or song I belt out…
It is always so good to see Erica. She’s got such a good heart.